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What's Up With God's Self Esteem?

OK, this one's been bugging me for a long time and I've just never quite been able to put it succinctly into words. I'm still not able to put it succinctly into words, but I'm figuring, "What the fuck, why not just write the damned thing and be done with it?" So OK, why not?

Talk to ANY religious nitwit of your choice, be it Osama, the Pope, a TV preacher, or perhaps your born-again next door neighbor, and one of the first things that ALL of 'em will pitch into is the business of worshipping God.

All right then, let's just stop right here and think this one through. What, exactly, is going on with somebody (we'll leave the lunacy of a God that needs to be a someBODY as opposed to a someTHING for another day, ok?) who needs to be worshipped?

Ever meet anyone with a NEED to be worshipped?

Ever HEAR of anybody with a need to be worshipped?

I have. Heard of a few and also met a few over the years.

These are not people you would tend to put on the top of your "well-balanced" list.

Especially the ones who cop a serious attitude if you DON'T worship them.

Crazed dictators who smother the countryside with words, pictures, and statues of themselves come to mind. Occasional nitwits from the entertainment or sports (redundancy noted, sports is nothing more nor less than mindless entertainment) industries can occasionally qualify. There are other sorts, but I'm sure you're getting the idea here.

The small fry are simply annoying as all hell and have no real means to make your life miserable unless you've stupidly married one or have unluckily drawn one as a close family member. They're nuts, but they can't really HURT you.

With the big fish, it's a completely different matter.

People who failed to sufficiently worship cheerful sorts like Joseph Stalin, Adolph Hitler, Saddam Hussein or any of the rest of that long list of historical figures who DEMANDED worship, could suddenly find themselves in some serious hot water or maybe six feet under.

Crazed dictators INVARIABLY trust neither themselves nor anybody around them. Therefore, they MUST be exalted above all else all the time, and a failure to do so hits them hard at their weakest point, which is none other than a lack of self esteem.

If these idiots actually believed in themselves, then they would have no need to lock society down in an iron-fisted grip that permits ZERO by way of alternative thought processes.

It's only the guy who knows in his secret heart that he's a dirty rotten no good schmuck that will stop at nothing to stifle any opinion that differs from his own.

People who believe in themselves and their own ideas are quite content to let the world spin madly along. They know they're right and they also know that eventually the rest of the world will finally get the clue, 'cause there's really no other way things can turn out. Guys like Albert Einstein immediately come to mind.

Albert did NOT go around suppressing people who failed to believe in relativity. Neither did he feel a need to punish them for their lack of orthodoxy. Old Al pretty much said to himself, "Fuck it. The dumb sonofabitches will eventually get the idea here, so why should I worry about 'em?"

And sure enough, that's exactly what happened. Relativity took over and continues to hold the high intellectual ground without a single shot being fired nor a single heretic being burned at the stake.

Which finally brings us back to God. Anybody's God. Everybody's God. Every last one of them sonofabitches is so fucking afraid you'll fail to properly worship him (In this regard, women should be quite pleased that we don't call God "her.") that he's set up the most horrible torture chamber that anyone can imagine and as a special bonus, he's rigged the game so that once you enter the torture chamber, you can NEVER get out and it goes on FOREVER!

Welcome to Hell, boys and girls. We've been waiting for you. We see that you've been a bad little human and you completely failed to WORSHIP God, even after we told you to. Naughty naughty. For that little infraction, you get to suffer for ALL ETERNITY. Forever. Like, it never stops, dude.

And of course, here in the land of the living, there are always those eager beavers out there doing God's work who will cheerfully show you a little bit of hell even before you die. Well shucks, not only will we show you the hell before you die, we'll even go ahead and kill you right now just to get you to the real thing all the sooner. "Yeah, ok. He's tied up good and tight to the stake. Go ahead and light the fire. This fucker's gonna feel some of God's wrath RIGHT NOW."

What a deal, eh?

Which tells us what?

I'll tell you what, that's what.

It's telling us that God knows in his secret heart that he's a dirty rotten no good schmuck, and he's TERRIFIED that we'll somehow figure this out and then go and blab to the neighbors.

So to keep the lid screwed on NICE AND TIGHT, God has invented the terror of hell to keep us all in line.

Whatta guy!!

I don't know about you, but I ain't having ANYTHING to do with ANYBODY who's THAT fucked up.

Screw that shit.


A lifetime resident (despite having travelled all over the damn place at one time or another) of Central Florida, James MacLaren took a four-year degree in death thrills riding giant waves on the North Shore back in the 70's. Wound up in the inconvenience store following a lay off from the Cape, where he was involved with the construction of the Space Shuttle launch pads, among other things. Father of best son in the world.