Wednesday Again
Archives
Now Feel This:
Hello, My Name Is Cindy
February 25, 2001
"It seems to me that nothing ever changes - Elton John was more right than he ever knew with that 'Circle of Life' crap, because that is all life is. One big fucking circle, neverending, like the snake eating his own tail. Get rid of one ridiculous problem and three others come to take its place."
Shameless Promotion - September 17, 2000
"Listening closely, though, the listener can decipher some of the generic toy cell phones used throughout Gizmodgery. Also evident are some of the Disney toy keyboards and those completely rad Kay-Bee Toy-style keyboard git-fiddles. This author suspects some sneaky-like behavior regarding the drums, however. They just sound too damned good to be a Mickey Mouse set."
Yet Another Open (maybe too open) Letter to My Adoring Fans - August 29, 2000
"Ever actually worn one of your grandmother's hand-knitted wool sweaters that you got every year for Christmas? They were so uncomfortable that they made you aware that you were wearing something......that's what living in this country makes me feel like."
Happy Birthday - July 2, 2000
"It can come about for no good reason -- one day, you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed, so to speak. And on other occassions, we know damn well what starts the nuclear chain reaction in our stomachs (BTW - that's where anger comes from, the stomach; love comes from the heart.... and fear comes from the bowels)."
Five-Oh, No (aka "Hoping for the Beast") - June 18, 2000
"To add just a little bit of class to this circus, we add in a dose of Hizzoner, the Orignal Nazi himself, Mayor Rudy Guliani. The day after S-A-F-I-R made his remarks about the dead man on his hands, Fooliani attempted to add his two cents to the bucket by BREAKING THE LAW and releasing the victims sealed criminal record, just to show the adoring public how in danger they were before the police came along and removed this threat..."
"Fear and Loathing in NYC....." - May 15, 2000
"My mind then attempts to issue a witty comeback, something that will cut her deep and ruin her entire day -- something that, in short, she will never forget. So what do I say? 'Thanks.' And throw my cigarette butt as hard as possible - directly at her head."
The Indie Police - May 12, 2000
"To be painfully honest, we here at Ink 19 are mad at you idiots because that is our job -- the acceptance and rejection of new artists whose entire careers might rely on one single review in these hallowed pages..."
Me, Myself, I - April 22, 2000
"My family decided it would be best to take me to Florida, where I would soak up the sunlight, start dating a supermodel and surf until I couldn't stand up straight. What did I end up doing in Florida? SMOKING POT."
The Root of All Evil - April 21, 2000
"I can't seem to make myself believe that everyone isn't watching me eat. I can't can't CAN'T stand it when people crack jokes about me (I know we spend half the night making fun of Mr. Can-aa-da, but this is me we're talking about now)."
"Lost in the Noise" - April 4, 2000
"But I have a major guilt trip on my hands here, and what better way to use this column space than free self-therapy, right? So here's my dealy-deal: I'm white. And I listen to hip-hop."
A FEEBLE ATTEMPT AT STREAM-OF-CONSCIOUSNESS - March 21, 2000
"Plague and madness, and mental patients all acting sooooo much stranger than Brad Pitt in that Monkeys movie......all spreading the word of insanity..."
Second Open Letter To The Adoring Public - March 18, 2000
"At the same time as this business was going on, I started my new job, as a gopher (you know, go-fer this, go-fer that). In the office is a 'Gentleman' (and I use that term soooooo lightly) from England. From Day One and every day since, I have been subjected to Morrissey..."
An Open Letter - March 7, 2000
"If you or your staff sees fit, this can be posted as the ramblings of a fucked-up son-of-a-bitch......if you correct the spelling errors, of course (it is time for Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and her boyfriend's new show, Angel......no way I'm gonna check for stupid-assed grammar and shit while that piece of work is on the air)."
Taking A Trip On A Bus - February 28, 2000
"However, if you might be searching (for whatever reason, I won't ask) for rank, overweight citizens having various types of illegal sex in public bathroom stalls, or maybe skinny, acned teenage drug abusers smoking generic cigarettes in alleyways, you should probably start at one place: Your local Greyhound Buslines station."
From The Desk Of Special Ed - February 1, 2000
"I am currently planning a move. Seems pretty simple. Yeah, right. My ass and your face. I've spent the last four years in Florida, where most of you people bored enough to flip to this column are living as I write this..."
Special Ed is a 19 year old white boy from the suburbs of New Jersey and Central Florida, who probably will continue to move around every couple years or so for the rest of his life; self-proclaimed indie-music nerd (author's note: hey, I put myself down before anyone else gets the chance) and utter loser with the girls. Smells better than one would think. Also interns for Tennesse label Spongebath Records. Owner and CEO of "Majestic, LTD."
